Indian mismatch making!

Read disclaimer (The real one): I intend to talk about the underlying mentality with regards to matchmaking in Indian context, and not the people featured in the show. I respect them for who they are and their opinions. I strongly believe that everyone has the right to lead their lives on their own terms and I am not here to moral police anyone.

Let’s talk matchmaking. Shall we?

If you have watched the new Netflix series called ‘Indian Matchmaking’ and if you too are a fellow Indian, we have a lot to discuss and gossip about. Let the show begin then!

Oh but wait. I need to put down the disclaimer before it hurts any babies out there!

“Ideologies and events described in this post are a 100% real. As real as toxic masculinity and misunderstood feminism in Indian society. Any resemblance to people you may know is not intended but as they say, samajdar ko ishaar he kaafi hai (smart people will get the hints). Also, any and all the sarcasm is purely intended!”

The show is about the concept and procedure involved in the act of bringing potential life partners together. The said phenomena may happen either through a digital platform or aunties/uncles who have a database of eligible bachelors and spinsters. The details of the data are not verified by two factor authentication because Sima aunty and her friend Gita Aunty forgot to mention a very tiny fact about one of the client’s divorce. Funny, that they should talk about ‘trust’ in a relationship.

This is to Vinay darling, who ghosted on sweet Nadia. Communication is the key to every relationship and you are not Daya from CID who can break open that door without the key every time. To all the boys who plan on getting into a relationship or even the dating world, remember that there is nothing that cannot be solved with decent communication. You may have grown up with the privilege of having people mend their schedules according to yours, but that is just wrong. That is a fault not in your stars, but in your upbringing! You can’t show up to a place? Send a text to the person at the least. There is nothing worse than getting dressed up for an event that is about to be canceled. Certainly not after Corona-ji has taught us to find solace in our pajama pants and braless t-shirts. It takes a lot of mental strength and energy to dress up! And, do you guys know how many steps go into our make up? Don’t waste our time bro.

To all the Akshay-s out there. I felt sad and agitated when you said ‘I am not used to even making my bed’. I am speechless! To all the boys reading this, when was the last time you have set up a house (partially at least) or run the house which does not mean being the family’s ATM. Think about the last time you coordinated with every family member about what they would like to eat, did a little ombudsman job between your maids, cooked (which sadly includes dishes too), took care of the monthly expenses, finished your office work and finally sat down at the dinner table to listen to someone say that the vegetable has not been cooked completely. What should we do with you? To those boys, please get married to yourself first, try to meet the expectations of your future spouse, and if you succeed, look for a bride.

I had to save the cherry of the cake or the leg piece of the biriyani or the center jam part of Jim jam biscuit for the last. (Okay, I agree that was too many examples!) This is to all the Preethi aunties out in the world, a simple thing I would like to convey. NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN IF YOUR KID IS NOT MARRIED BY 23 OR 25. He/She would be perfectly fine. Getting their spouses into the family within a specified timeline should not be your life’s dream or purpose. Don’t chase it like there is no tomorrow. Especially when your kid is absolutely unsure about what he sees in his future partner. Give them time to think about it. There is no clock that is ticking over their head which would go off if they are not married by 25. Aunty-ji, do yoga, watch Sadhguru videos, and chill! Spend time with uncle, sip a glass of wine or chaas, as per your preference and let life unfold on its own. If its summer in your part of the world, put some Navratna cool oil and enjoy! Life is beautiful.

Marriage is a concept that many people interpret differently. And they should because otherwise, it would be like all seasons chappal, that serves none of the seasons properly. Times are changing, a person’s views on marriage evolve with changing times. If you don’t agree with it, fair. But also remember that there are so many people who don’t agree with you. So it is a fair game after all.

There are some deeply rooted malice in our Indian upbringing, that we need to sever ties with. 20 years ago we made jokes on the people who did not fit the frame of ‘man’ or ‘woman’. Today we have movies with LGBTQI people as protagonists. But we still have a long way to go. I am waiting for a movie where I get to see a 4 feet 2 inches (that’s my height) female lead. That would be a character I would be able to relate to. Not someone who has the perfect figure, perfect height (more than 5’3” according to Indian matchmaking) non greasy hair etc. Meet me, who has my very beautiful hair (self certification, I know!) tied up in a bun, pants and shirts that don’t match even according to bygone era fashion and a brain that’s filled with opinions and a clear bridge between my head and mouth through which all opinions flow seamlessly.

As much as I would love to go on yapping about it, I am ending it here!

P.S I don’t know if there is a black list or offenders list in case of matrimony. But I am sure, yours truly is going to top it! Amma, Appa I made it to the first rank finally! 😀

P.P.S Vyasar is just too sweet. He deserves the best! Period.

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