I realized that it has been more than a month since I wrote about anything and honestly, I had nothing that I wanted to get off my chest! I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad one. But despite no major happenings, I do have a few unfinished posts on varied topics which probably means that I do have things that go around in this tiny head of mine. Truth be told, I did sit down and try to squeeze out some words because I wanted to feel like I have something to say. As Milan Kundera might put it, I think the lightness of my life was perhaps unbearable to me. And if that is so, it is rather funny, isn’t it? We all want our lives to be light and to be untethered to obligations but in reality, we like to be tethered to things, people, and emotions. We need a constant sense of belonging that’s dangerously extrinsic at times. That is why we conjure scenarios in our head, blurring the distinction between reality and illusion.
It is very easy to slip into an alternate reality, perhaps into a parallel world where we are still with that ex-partner, they did not do anything to hurt us, we got the job we wanted, we have perfectly curated a world that is an outcome of ifs and buts of our current real life. What starts off as something innocent, a shower time imaginative conversation with self, goes on to become a full-blown illusion and ends up in rejection to accept reality in some corner of the heart. It is very difficult to pull ourselves back to reality and convince ourselves that the ex did hurt us or we did not get that job. That is when we realize that being tethered is probably the best. And maybe, that is why I am writing this today, in a desperate attempt to bring myself to the real world, the one that is filled with real people, slightly less interesting than my imaginative ones but who are here, for me, with me.
Sometimes it is very much needed to slow down our thoughts and clear the chaos in our head to let our body muscles rest. To realize that we have been biting the inner part of our lips for a while trying to cope with racing thoughts. We need to tell ourselves that we have been cracking the knuckles too much because we are living in two worlds at the same time, practically putting double the effort and not exactly belonging anywhere. At times, we need to choose between watching the TV or stalking him on Instagram, the latter being toxic but who am I kidding? We all do it! Sometimes we need to close our eyes, take in a deep breath and let go of that person’s thoughts, and pick a side. Look around and talk to people who fill your real-world and open your life to new entrants. Be tethered, to your present, to the real things, they may be less dramatic and might not have A.R Rahman’s BGM but they are here and that’s all that matters.